The girl with the broken-winged dove
Her eyes stared into the great unknown
Love came knocking on her door
A ray of light
Broken but alive
The dove presented himself
Straight Into her heart he went
Where she made a home
Out of straw and grass
on mutual ground they spent
a time most precious to her heart
receiving lessons of a love so pure
that all she could remember is
the warmth she felt
when she cared
deeply for the bird she'd held
a glimpse of heaven on earth
shown to her
this unbroken love
from the most perfect broken-winged dove

my crying baby

My crying baby

She lives in my leg
and lower back
She is asking me to hold her
To see and hear her
She is hurt
Like a wounded animal
Ready to snap at any moment
More than anyone ever could she is teaching me to trust my boundaries
Through the pain she now speaks firmly
No more yes’s where you are feeling a no
And no more no’s where you are feeling a yes
She is not keeping quiet this time
Nor is she falling back into hiding after being ignored
No

she is here to stay until she is fully
heard

seen

loved
She is showing me to take it one step at a time
To have patience
To be with her is to be with the grief
To be with her is to feel it all
Uncomfortable as it is
this is no mistake
I don’t want to run from her anymore
instead
I want to mother her
Comfort her
and maybe
One day
She can find her balance 
Unlocking that trapped nerve
Softening those contracted muscles
Feet on the ground
She is now safe to arrive

insomnia

Mountains burn in the night
Their silent screams
And loud whispers
Are keeping me awake
A sky full of stars
Erasing all I imagined to be true
no bargain is to be made
with the untameable forces of the night sky
turning me
inside out and outside in
asking unapologetically
to offer everything to this cosmic fire
of this vast mountain burning
all of it
let it burn into dust now child
for what you are shall remain and be more alive than
the weight of a thousand years
lifted from those burdened shoulders
replaced with the stardust
of a new dawn

lion

Here’s to the misfits, the banned ones,
the shunned ones,
the black sheep and the lost sheep,
the sheep that are no longer afraid of speaking up.
Or shall I say here’s to the lion,
the found lion,
the lion that is no longer afraid to roar
Back into our body’s
And into our own minds,
No longer directed by controlling abusive leaders,
Spiritual authorities
Who love to create dependent masses ready to manipulate
And are making a judgemental God out of a loving One
To keep us fearful trembling on our knees
Unable to make up our own minds
Unable to trust our intuition, our gut feeling
Unable to use our healthy ego, so every identity and individuality gets lost
Here is to the lion that is allowing her power,
That is no longer afraid to put a clear boundary,
Until here and no further, she now roars.
The lion is no longer trying to disguise itself as a mouse out of fear her power would be shamed, belittled, or unheard.
Here’s to you lion, lioness.
May you roar into your original instinct.
The days of guilt-tripping are over.
No one will send us into the non-belonging fires of hell
Nor exclude us for our uniqueness
We are not born in sin
And we never were.
We are born in love
and we always were.

I remember when I was a child, and it had snowed.
I opened the curtains, and there it was, a blanket full of silent white, a subtle light.
So peaceful, nothing you could ever add to make it more perfect, a deep inner landing.
All is well.
That was precisely how it was two years ago at my father's deathbed; he deeply accepted something.
A profound acceptance and inner knowing that all is held somehow.
So today, I say happy wing day, papa, the day you got your wings to fly into your mystical landscape.
I still hear you, papa,
I still see you,
Somewhere deep down in the stillness of my being, there where the white snow landscape remains forever untouched.

empty nest

And suddenly it’s there

the day that one of the birds is flying the nest
I knew this day was coming
I knew it was coming rather soon
I could feel it in my bones
In the stretching of my mother heart
I could even feel it in the weather
The rain falling on my skin felt like tears I could not cry yet
Yes suddenly it’s there
The poem from Kahlil Gibran

"your children are not your children"

just got felt in my whole being
This safe distance I thought the future held
The later but not just yet
Oh help the later has just become the yet
A moment of re-adjust
One of my birds flying the nest
How I wish him well
My baby who’s now a wonderful grown man
Fly into your own blueprint

my darling you
And know that your place here in your childhood nest
Will always re-welcome you

from caterpillar to butterfly

I see you
I see you struggling
In your cocoon
It’s narrow and tight
There appears to be no light
Not yet anyway
You are brave

so brave
Building all this strength
Invested in your future wealth
your wings
your wings are getting stronger with every passing breath
pushing you through every new-born crack
slowly tiny beams of light start to shine through
they guide you willingly into an esoterically you
I see you
Shining through your pain
How do you do it so gracefully
There must be an encourager on the other side of the veil
I sit at your bedside where your feet end
I feel like the smallest child I have ever been
witnessing the magnitude of life
the magnitude of death
there it is in front of my own eyes
my heart is beating but the sound is quieter than quiet
bathing in warmth

I cannot describe
I see you looking at me with eyes no longer fixed on an earthly reality
It must have been in the middle of the night
But time has also taken its flight
Am I worthy of this gaze

my mind starts to ponder
While my heart is still silently beating from now to now
in awe of the wonder
a mystery playing out in front of my own eyes
I know that every role you had to play is fading away
From boy to man

father to gramp
Everything is fading away
Into a billion different pieces of one gigantic love puzzle
The curtain is falling
the page is turning
There is no way back it seems
You lift your head and open your eyes for one very last time in this realm
I know that this is it
Yes this is it
Go on now beloved soul spread those mighty wings of yours
and fly free into your ever timeless reality

beams of light

dancing with death